To our Queen of the digital world, Julie Gomoll.

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You never minced your words and always said how you felt, Jules! Well, now, let me tell you how I feel. You decided to leave us and while I totally understand that it felt like the only choice you had at the time, I can’t help but feel really angry at you at this moment. Do you know how many broken hearts you left behind?

People are writing tributes and blog posts to remember and to remind the world of how fucking amazing you are, but you are not here to see any of it. Sure, some people believe that you are looking at us from above, smiling and shit, but what about the ones that don’t believe in that. How do we process your loss?

You were total badass. I just wonder if you saw it, knew it and understood how people experienced your presence in their lives. You always considered yourself an intellectual and looked for projects to help improve. There is always room for improvement, you said. You looked at everything, the potential, the aesthetic, the format, the colors and all the angle to make the project successful. Why couldn’t you look at yourself so objectively instead of letting depression take over your body then mind?

Did you look at the Julie Gomoll project and decided it was so hopeless to manage?
We looked at some jacked up projects over the years and you always said “If they just got rid of these fucked up colors and the dancing fonts, it could be good. It has good content”.

YOU had brilliant content, Jules!

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Many of us are asking, could we have done more to show you the amazing content behind the dancing font and crazy colors of Julie Gomoll?

Intellectually I know that there was nothing we could have done. Those close to you tried and you tried. I know you did, and I know we did. But knowing and intellectually understanding, doesn’t seem to ease the overwhelming grief. It is hard to believe that someone so brilliant and larger than life, would give up on life.

I’m so grateful that we traveled in Egypt together. You loved it there, more than I did at times for sure. You sat at the kitchen table with mom taking notes and writing recipes down. You loved talking politics with dad while drinking whisky and smoking cigars. You smoked the hookah with me, listened to old Egyptian music (because I hate all the new music) and drank mint tea. You ventured into the market on your own buying weird shit and too shy to haggle with the men flirting with you. You loved Egypt and you were so proud of the revolution and people fighting for their rights. You celebrated the ousting of Mubarak like a true Egyptian. You must have been Egyptian in past life because you loved that country and those who met you loved you back.

Remember the saying “Maktoob”?

They said that in Egypt a lot. It translates to “It is written” and basically means “What’s meant to be, will be”. In Egypt, they believe that our destiny is written by god before we are born. I hate that saying. You thought it was silly. The first time you heard it was when you missed your flight to Egypt because of the storm in NYC. Sohair, our house keeper said it to you and when I transalted it to, you rolled your eyes. I was so grateful that someone understood how I felt about it. Then you missed your flight leaving Egypt and stayed an extra day to help mom cook the big dinner. Mom and Sohair said it, and you rolled your eyes again. That always made me laugh.

I wonder now if your decision to shut down Julie Gomoll was to make sure it was done on your terms and not because it was Maktoob by anyone else. It has been a long painful battle, my friend and you fought hard. It wasn’t just the depression. It was also the fear of managing the body and mind with the lack of resources as we age, everything from health insurance to money. I know you had been fighting the good fight, honeypie (you thought that was stupid word too, but you are not here to yell at me for using it). It is just hard to know that you won’t be there to say “Fucking Trump!” or “ For fuck sake!” one more time.

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In Japan, warriors commit Seppuku, honorable suicide, so they don’t kneel at the feet of their enemies. Knowing how much of a fighter you are, I will take your action as Seppuku to respect and honor your decision. I know that my anger isn’t really at you, but it is more at losing you. So please forgive the angry tone.

You will be reverend as the true hero that you are. People will host events, write blogs (because who the fuck writes papers anymore) and have dinners in honor of Julie Gomoll. You may have shut down the site on Julie Gomoll, but those who have known you and loved you, will always be clicking on your pages in their mind and heart. You are so loved, Jules!

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Julie loved all animals (especially dogs). If you are so inclined, please consider making a donation in her memory to Austin Pets Alive. Fun fact: She designed the first APA website! She was a badass pioneer for so many.

PS: Julie helped me build this site back in 2011 and has been on my case to update it since.

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